Andy | 
02 2nd, 2009| 
Andy, Annie and Referee Keys pose before the start of the first challenge (Photograph: Melanie Zanetti)
Challenge 1 - Tenpin Bowling
Result: Andy 147 def. Annie 94
Location: Greenslopes Bowling Lanes
Referee: James “SettaKeys” Keys
Attendance: 7 (Andy, Annie, Referee Keys, Michael, Morgs, Christie, Mel)
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The Referee’s Report
The word “hangover” was redefined for me on this day, so I had no problem whatsoever being the hardass needed to keep these two in line. The day began with little to no smack talk, of which we were all a little shocked – these two were way too friendly. When they should have been at each other Mundine vs Green style, it looked like they were about to make out. They didn’t, but only because Andy’s girlfriend Mel was there.
Things were looking good at AMF bowling, when 8 pins remained after the first ball was bowled. 2 pins down is not the common definition of a “strike” in bowling, however lane 11 at Greenslopes AMF seemed to think it was. A few more balls, a few more dubious calls by the computer, and we changed lanes. To lucky number 13.
A few more bowls like this would prove that changing lanes is fruitless, so we cut our losses and just decided to bowl anyway. Andy’s first bowl was a neat little element, but nothing special. Annie’s was similar – looking on par for a strike, only to have a split. This would prove to be the story of Annie’s day.
A few intervening bowls by “the Morgue” were a good demonstration about how to get a strike by bowling a ball into the next lane, and how to use the gutter with good effect. The machine clearly liked this, and once again the Greenslopes AMF mechanics were back at work.
Two more bowls in, Andy decided to begin playing mindgames with the Annie, by standing next to the referee and pulling faces while Annie bowled. It worked, Annie’s bowl was awful, one of the worst I’ve ever seen. It reminded me of Stephen Hawking attempting to bowl, only with less grace. I gladly pulled out my (imaginary) yellow card, and sent Andy packing to the stands, while Annie got to attempt to psych out Andy on his next ball.
Unfortunately for Annie, she is not much good at distracting, or even hindering people. I guess that’s a good thing in a future doctor, but not much good in a contest to the death (of the other persons dignity). Her psych out only seemed to fuel the Andy, and sent him on a streak of strikes. Annie was not impressed, and her game suffered – a few more splits, and you could see the tears welling up. The Andy camp was readying the drinks esky* to be poured over his head.
The final round began, and pin clearing machiney thing decided it had had enough, and shat all over itself. As a side note, I recommend that if you enjoy your bowling, you should attend AMF at Greenslopes. The quality there is of the same level as the jury at OJ Simpson’s murder trial. It decided to mess itself all over the floor. As a result, myself and Andy decided to take out some frustration on it, and two balls rocketed at the machine. Much like a 2 year old child, it knew it deserved this, and began working again.
The final round ended exactly as everyone thought it would. Andy pwn3d Annie. Hard. A turkey slap was almost deserved by how hard he owned her. The frustration was clear to see, except for everyone on the blog as the camera had run out of battery. But it was my displeasure to announce that Andy had gained a lead of 1-0, and as such, is currently the better roommate in every possible way.
In conclusion, this was hardly even a contest. Annie got blown out of the water by some phenomenal bowling by Andy and she should be crying herself to sleep at night. Let us hope the next few rounds are a little closer.
*The drinks esky was one empty bottle of Coke
The Winner’s Report
Heaven almighty, I feel good. A comfortable win, a 1-0 Tri-Decathlon lead and with my strongest event, Mario Kart, next up. More on that later though.
My prediction for the score turned out to be remarkably accurate as Annie stumbled to 94 and I notched up a very creditable 147. It wasn’t the best score I’ve ever got but under the circumstances (and given that Alana said she would buy me a snakebite if I scored over 14o) I was pretty happy.
It could have gone all wrong from the start though as my ball of preference - a size 10 ruby red ball with a massive thumb-hole - went missing. It turned out that some old lady in Lane 3 had it and I nearly, nearly, nearly went and asked her for it. But instead I went and found a plain red ball with decently-sized finger-holes and hoped for the best.
It turned out OK in the end though. Referee Keys did an excellent job of ensuring their was no foul play, giving Annie a warning for a foot-fault and preventing her from visually heckling me while I was bowling. What he didn’t realise was that the combination of short shorts, sunglasses and a whistle means that he was far more of a distraction than Annie could ever be. Alas, it mattered little.
Annie bowled well but couldn’t knock down her early spare opportunities and that massively took the pressure off. By the fourth frame I was cruising and it was only when Annie scored a spare followed by a strike that she seemed capable of a comeback. However, I saved my best until late on, scoring a double-strike and effectively putting the game out of reach. The final few frames were all about the snakebite and I just about crawled over the line.
Credit has to go to Annie for a semi-decent performance and the supporting cast of Morgs, Christie, Michael, Mel and of course, Referee Keys. He’s set the bar nice and high for referee get-ups and I can’t see anyone topping his camp PE teacher outfit. It was truly horrendous.
The day ended with everyone coming round to Annie and mine for a beer and the naming of the challenge winner. Thankfully on this occasion it was me - you can see how happy I am in the photos - and I expect nothing less from Monday night’s Mario Kart challenge.
So as far as I see it, it’s 1-0 to the good guy! Huzzah!
The Loser’s Report
It was a great turnout with Morgs, Christie, Michael, Mel and our ref for the event, James Keys, all coming out in support for the start of our crazy venture. Keysey had gotten into the spirit of things as our ref and looked like the PE teacher no parent would ever let near their kids - whether girls or boys. Brilliant.
Well we got straight into the game. Andy was a little bit anxious because he couldn’t find a suitable bowling ball, but annoyingly, it didn’t seem to affect his performance in the end anyway. The lane computer scoring system was riddled with glitches and Christie was awarded so many “spares” even though she’d gutter balled it. For me, I got a faux spare too and to go up to the counter and tell them to erase it was one of the hardest moments in the game because I needed that so desperately. But Andy did have to reverse a faux strike, so I guess we were somewhat even on that front.
There were very contrasting styles within our group. Morgs, with her mustard ball, unluckily got more gutter balls than she deserved but then somehow would pull out a couple amazing strikes! Keysey was a real tour de force - key word being “force”. I have never seen anyone blast a bowling ball down a lane faster than that guy. He was determined to break a pin and I swear he came close to it.
Anyway, re the score: I knew Andy’d get around 140 - damn him. That’s why I needed 150 to beat him, but I remained as consistent as ever and came so close to cracking 100 but just not quite getting there. Argh. Frustrating. I knew going in that I couldn’t get those crazy strikes in a row thing, but I still couldn’t get the spares that I needed and should have gotten. I had a mini-run in the middle there, with a spare followed by a strike and it looked like I could have been in the running, but Andy came out and knocked down a spare and two strikes and meanwhile I just crumbled.
And that was that - it was all over. Ah well - I know that I have to lose some of these challenges, but I’m comforted by the fact that I will inevitably be the overall winner because there’s no denying that I am the better human being.
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So that’s it for the first challenge. But don’t despair, next up is Mario Kart and a preview for that challenge will be posted on the blog shortly. Stay tuned kids!